


Sometimes It Just Is

by phoenix_vixen



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Accident, Angst, Coming Out, Drama, Emotional Eugene, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Try Guys, M/M, Major Character Injury, Medical Jargon, Self-Doubt, Sweet and Caring Eugene, Unconfident Zach, break-up, zagene
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-08-05 13:46:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16368734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenix_vixen/pseuds/phoenix_vixen
Summary: Eugene had been extra attentive to him for quite some time now, always asking if his back was aching, even rubbing his lower spine every now and then when he asked the question.  It was getting to him; it shouldn’t, but it was.  For all he knew, it could have just been Eugene being a good friend after he found out that Zach’s AS was bothering him again.  But it felt more than that.  Sure, Eugene hates it when any of the Try Guys were in pain or upset, but recently, his attention – and affection?  It had been focused on him, Zach, and what the taller man had been doing felt too much like flirting.





	1. One

He was tired.  Not just physically – although that made up a huge chunk of it – but also emotionally.  Eugene had been extra attentive to him for quite some time now, always asking if his back was aching, even rubbing his lower spine every now and then when he asked the question.  It was getting to him; it shouldn’t, but it was.For all he knew, it could have just been Eugene being a good friend after he found out that Zach’s AS was bothering him again.But it felt more than that.  Sure, Eugene hates it when any of the Try Guys were in pain or upset, but recently, his attention – and affection?  It had been focused on him, Zach, and what the taller man had been doing felt too much like flirting.He just thanked his lucky stars it’s a Friday and won’t see Eugene until Monday.

Honestly, he was flattered at the attention.  He’s not a man’s man and was probably the most physically awkward member of the Try Guys, so it was a refreshing change to be the center of someone else’s attention.  It shouldn’t have been bad, but ever since that lie detector test episode they made when Eugene kind of-sort of admitted that he wanted to fuck Zach, it just made him feel awkward around the guy.This made him all sorts of guilty because Eugene was – is – one of his best friends.  The guilt didn’t settle in instantly, but after editing the video and seeing Eugene’s facial expression slightly fall when Zach was being asked if he had made out with some coworkers, it just hit home that maybe it wasn’t all a joke, even if Eugene said fucking him was ‘super gross’ near the end of the clip.

He really tried not to feel so awkward and guilty, tried so hard to act normal, but he felt like he’s kind of failing at it.  This extra attention his friend was showing him might just be Eugene’s way of tearing down at that wall because he could feel the awkwardness between them.  They had been quite close before all this shit went down.Not as close as him and Keith, but definitely closer than him and Ned.Zach had to admit, though, that it confused him and he didn’t want to think about it anymore.  Besides, he’s straight, right?  It shouldn’t bother him this much if he was confident with his sexuality, and of course, discovering that Eugene found him fuckable is making him question just that.

He had just thrown his bag on the couch when his phone vibrated.  He sat with a loud groan and reached into his left pocket for his mobile.  When he finally got it out, another groan escaped his lips.  It was Eugene Lee fucking Yang calling.  As if it wasn’t enough that he would spend an ungodly amount of time with the man daily, he had to bother him in his safe-haven too.  It was enough to drive him up the wall.

He sighed deeply before answering.  “Hey Eugene,” he said voice monotonous.

“You okay, dude?” he replied, his voice tinged with worry.

Zach wrinkled his nose and blew out air.  “Yes, Eugene, I am.  Did you need something?”

There was silence on the other line until Zach heard some shuffling in the background.  “Uh, is this a bad time?” Eugene’s disembodied voice crackled out of Zach’s cellphone.

Zach huffed in annoyance.  “What do you want, man?  It’s been a long week,” he bit out.

“I was wondering if you’d like to grab a drink, but if this is a bad time...” Eugene finally said after a moment of silence.

Zach had to sigh again.  He removed his eyeglasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.  “I appreciate the offer, Eugene, but I’m just not in the mood for a night out,” he replied tiredly.  He leaned his head against the backrest of his couch and closed his eyes.

He thought that was the end of it, but he was wrong.  “No, I was thinking of hanging out at your place instead.  I’ll bring the beer and food,” Eugene responded.  Zach sighed again, the third that night.

“Fine, whatever.  Just make sure the food isn’t anything spicy.  I don’t want to take a shit every other hour.”

“Chinese good?  Nothing Szechuan, I promise.”

“Sure, come on over,” Zach said, trying to hide the dejection in his voice.  His mind has now gone to tidying up his place and disregarding the fact that he was hanging out with Eugene all night.  Hopefully his friend won’t get too drunk that he’d have to stay over.

Half an hour of tidying up later, Zach heard his phone ring.  He grabbed it off his coffee table and answered.  “Hey, I’m at your door,” he heard Eugene say.

“Why can’t you just knock like normal people, Eugene?” Zach replied with a sigh as he walked towards the door.  He opened it and hung up.  Sure enough, Eugene as outside his house door, looking absolutely fuckable in black overall shorts, a black tank top and black boots, even-though he was holding a Chinese take-out bag and two six-packs.

“Because I’m not normal people,” Eugene replied with a smirk, one earphone in an ear so he could talk to Zach over the phone.

He wanted to shut the door at Eugene’s face.It was physically difficult for him to restrain himself from doing just that.  It was bad enough that he had to go into this situation emotionally exhausted because he can’t get the man beyond his threshold out of his head, now he has to deal with having him in his home on a day that he was feeling extra vulnerable.  It made him wonder why he even said yes to this proposition in the first place.

But he can’t back out of it now, not when Eugene was standing outside his house, looking completely delectable and shit that you just want to gobble him up.  He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t realize that he was staring at his friend for more than a minute now.

“Uhm, earth to Zach?  Are you going to let me in?” Eugene said, looking partially worried and amused at the same time.

Zach looked away and opened the door wider.  “Uh, yeah, sure, uhm…come on in.”  He waited for Eugene to take three steps into his house before he shut the door and led the raven-haired man to his couch.

He turned and saw Eugene unpacking the stuff he had brought gingerly on the coffee table.  He tried to avoid watching as the other man elegantly flopped on the couch, still taking out food containers from the bag he had brought.  He physically shook his head to get the different thoughts plaguing his brain to disappear, to no avail.  To say that the Asian man in his house was distracting him from all rational thought was an understatement.

He went to the kitchen silently to get some plates and stuff and walked back to the living room.  He sat on his couch as well, keeping a modest distance from his friend and avoided eye contact.  If Eugene noticed, he never showed any indication of it.

“I got your favorites from the Chinese restaurant near here, the one you like,” Eugene commented while handing him a food carton and a pair of chopsticks, effectively snapping Zach out of his jumbled thoughts.

Zach blinked twice, slowly so he can focus on Eugene again, instead of the discombobulated thoughts mashed in his brain right now.“Yeah, okay, thanks,” he replied mechanically, effectively avoiding his friend’s eyes by accepting the offered food and chopsticks.

He looked up at Eugene and saw the tail-end of a wince.  “Are you sure you’re okay?  Is your back bothering you again?” the taller man asked.

Zach sighed and started fumbling with the items in his hands.He had to ask or he will never be able to sleep well again.It was bad enough that his AS was causing him discomfort, now even his brain is giving him the same problem.He needed to ask.

“Eugene, why are you here?” he finally blurted out.

It was Eugene’s turn to blink, and the question caused a shift in his eyes, like blinds getting drawn away.Concern and fondness were evident in them.These emotions were swirling around behind his eyes, but they shuttered closed just as quickly.

“Just eat your food and don’t think about it too much, Zach,” the taller man replied quietly while pushing the carton of pot stickers towards the smaller man.

Zach did as he was told and took one of the pot stickers.He placed it in his mouth and chewed slowly as his thoughts took him into the farthest recesses of his mind.He was overthinking things, and he knew it, but Eugene sitting calmly beside him was wrecking havoc on his psyche.He could feel what little sanity he had left slipping away and he knew he had to cling to it before it disappears.

Zach stuck his chopsticks into his food carton and placed it on the table.“Eugene, seriously, why are you here?It’s Friday night. You should be out partying like you always do!” he blurted out, the frustration seeping into his voice.

He heard Eugene sigh as the taller man faced him.He watched as Eugene placed his food on the coffee table as well before taking a bottle of beer and opening it.He handed the bottle to Zach, who took it reluctantly.He opened another one and took a swig.After what felt like an eternity of silence, Eugene finally shifted in his seat to face Zach.

“Because I wanted to be with you,” he said simply before taking a swig from his beer.  “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but recently, I don’t go out unless you’re with me.”

The response caused Zach’s jaw to drop slightly as he stared at his friend.“You...uh...you want...oh, okay...uhm...why?” Zach stammered through his reaction.

Eugene cocked his head coyly to one side and smiled knowingly.“Why do you think?”

Zach stared at Eugene in disbelief and stood abruptly.“Please stop playing games with me,” he retorted and briskly walked towards his bedroom, not caring that he was being a bad host by leaving his friend alone in the living room, in the middle of dinner.He went in and shut the door behind him before heading towards his bed.He sat down, the darkness swallowing him like a long lost friend.

The footsteps outside his bedroom door did not come as a surprise, although he had to admit it was unwelcome.He didn’t want to see Eugene; he was too confused to carry a decent conversation with the man.

But the universe seemed to be conspiring against him as he heard a knock on the door.

“Zach, come on, let’s talk about this.  It’s not like I’m going to force you to have sex with me.  That’s not what this is at all,” he heard Eugene’s muffled voice float into the silence of his bedroom.

“I really don’t want to talk, Eugene,” he replied, surprised that his voice was loud enough to carry outside the closed door.

He swore he could hear a deep sigh from his friend when the man heard his response.“Look, you don’t have to talk, but can you please hear me out?And can I please talk to you face to face instead of conversing with your fucking door?”He could hear the frustration growing in Eugene’s voice.

Zach groaned.He knew Eugene was not going to leave him alone unless they clear the air out.That was just how stubborn the man was, and he becomes more stubborn when his frustration levels increase.He stood and walked towards his bedroom door, flicking the light open as he turned the knob and pulled.Outside, Eugene was leaning against the doorway with a pleading look on his eyes that cleared the moment he saw Zach. It was replaced by tenderness and vulnerability, two things that were rarely visible in those black orbs.Zach opened the door wider and walked back to his bed, not checking if Eugene was following him.He sat and faced the Asian, looking up at him reluctantly.Eugene was just looking at him expectantly, and it dawned on him that the older man was waiting for an invitation to sit.Zach looked at his hands and smiled a little at the fact that Eugene wanted him to be comfortable, because he just knew how badly Zach wanted to bolt at that particular moment.He gave Eugene a small nod and the taller man sat beside him; not too close so as to make Zach any more uncomfortable than he already was, but not too far either that the conversation would feel impersonal.Zach appreciated the sentiment.

He heard Eugene clear his throat so he looked back at his friend expectantly.

“I know this is weird, Zach, because you know I’ve never been the type.This is probably the closest I’ve ever been to wearing my heart on my sleeve, and it’s not the most comfortable thing in the world for me - or for you either, I know.But this is real.I’m not playing games with you, nor would I want to.I’m also not sure about all of this, but I’m willing to give it a shot because it’s you and I care about you.We’re best friends and that’s never going to change regardless of where this is going to take us,” Eugene said.His monologue was heartfelt and sincere, Zach could feel it, but he was still confused.

“I still don’t understand all of this, Eugene.Why now?Why me?”

It was Eugene’s turn to sigh.Zach watched him as he braced his hands behind him and leaned back.“Why not?I’ve always found you attractive, Zach.I was just too much of a coward to admit to myself that I like you,” he replied nonchalantly.

Zach mulled over what Eugene had just said, still confused about everything.He had to admit, he didn’t find the idea deplorable, but he can’t say he was comfortable with it, either.Besides, he’s straight, right?

He was curious and just wanted to stop thinking about everything, so he did what his gut told him to do and ignored his mile-a-minute thoughts.He shifted a little closer to Eugene and looked at his hands.

“How long?” he asked, voice soft and tentative.

Eugene looked at him and straightened up.  He could feel the heat radiating from the arm closest to him, and it kind of comforted Zach, which surprised the smaller man.

Eugene leaned a bit closer and smiled.“You know, I’m not really sure, but I think it’s been a while now.I think that was the reason why I kept flirting with you on camera, especially after our panel at UC Irvine.You’re just so adorable and charming and sweet, which makes you just that more likable than you already are.”

Zach was taken aback.“What?That panel was more than two years ago!” he exclaimed, which made Eugene chuckle in a self-deprecating way.

“I know, and let me tell you, you had been my wank-fodder for quite some time now.The way you flirted with me and how your tongue felt against my inner thigh almost made me cream my underwear right then and there!I had to discreetly cover my dick to prevent the entire university from seeing how hard you made me,” the raven-haired man said with a sheepish grin.

“Wh-what?” was all Zach could say without self-combusting where he sat.  He could feel himself turning crimson from his chest to the roots of the hair on his head.  The admission was shocking.  He needed time to process what Eugene had just said.

Eugene laughed, fondness coloring the sounds emanating from his mouth.“You are so endearing when you get flustered!” he said.The words made Zach blush even more.

“I told you not to play games with me,” Zach mumbled, although a small smile had started forming on his lips.  A few seconds later, he was chortling with Eugene and he attempted to lightly hit the taller man on the arm, but Eugene caught his wrist deftly.  The laughter died from his and Eugene’s lips at the action, but both were smiling comfortably at each other.  Zach licked his suddenly dry lips and bit the lower part of it.  He saw Eugene follow the action with his eyes, his gaze never leaving Zach’s lips even after he was done.

The air around them suddenly felt heavy and electric with unvoiced emotions.Zach cleared his throat a bit and gently twisted the wrist that Eugene was still clinging to a bit to get the Asian’s attention.Eugene blinked rapidly, as if coming down from a high, and let go of Zach’s arm.There was tension in the air, still, but this time it was not uncomfortable and unwanted.As weird as it sounds, Zach kind of felt safe.

“Eugene, I-uh...I’m not exactly sure how I feel about all of this.I...I need to figure it out first.I don’t think it would be fair to you if I jump into something when I’m not even sure if I’m gay or what.”

Eugene nodded and started to stand up, which then caused panic to bubble up inside Zach.  He reached out to grab Eugene’s arm and gripped a bit tightly.  “N-not that I don’t find you attractive, Eugene, because I do.  God knows how gorgeous and smart and talented and sexy I think you are, and my hesitance is not at all because of that.  It’s...it’s...” Zach’ voice trailed off as he tried to look for the right words to say.  He was rambling and he knew it.  He was usually more eloquent than this, but he was stumped.  Eugene Lee Yang has successfully stumped him.

He felt a warm hand cover the one that was clinging on to Eugene.He looked down and back up, only to see understanding and fondness in those deep, black eyes.He could drown in those eyes, and frankly, he’s not sure he would mind.

Zach was getting more and more confused as the seconds progressed, but he had to admit, he was getting more and more comfortable with the idea of Eugene liking him in a way that was not friendship.What he was confused about was his own emotions.

“Look, I know you’re straight, and that’s okay.I’m not expecting you to reciprocate how I feel about you.I really want to woo you, but I’m not sure if you’ll appreciate it.”

Zach was taken aback for the second time that day.  “Woo me?” he squeaked out.

Eugene chuckled lightly at Zach’s reaction.“Yeah, woo.”

Zach felt excitement course up and down his spine at the thought.“I’ve never been wooed before!” he exclaimed.

Eugene’s giggle turned into a hearty laugh at Zach’s sudden eagerness.“Would you want me to?”

The question caused a shift in Zach’s brain.The anxiety started bubbling up again and he slowly closed his mouth.“I...I don’t know...” he quietly replied.

Eugene’s face softened and he inched closer to Zach.He removed the hand that was covering Zach’s and wrapped an arm around his shoulder instead.“Don’t think about it too much.This is all new to me too, and you know I’m not exactly in tune with my emotions.This is just as weird for me as it is for you.I decided to take a leap of faith and tell you how I feel not because I expected we would end up together.I told you all this because I wanted to clear the air.Things gave gotten so awkward between us, and it sucked balls so bad, I just wanted it to stop.You’re my best friend, Zach.Nothing’s ever going to change that.”

Zach let go of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding and wrapped his arms around Eugene’s torso.  He could feel the taller man stiffen a bit at his actions, but Eugene eventually melted into the embrace and returned it, his hug tight and warm and comforting.

“You’re my best friend too, Eugene,” Zach muttered, his voice muffled by the arm that was covering his face.

Zach felt Eugene’s hug tighten a bit more and he gave a contented sigh.  “Come on, let’s finish our dinner.  Want to watch that new horror movie on Netflix?”

Zach knew he still had to figure out all these jumbled up emotions he was feeling, but he decided to set all those aside and just enjoy the company of his friend.He nodded as he let go of Eugene and stood.He offered his hand to his friend, which the taller man took and they went back to the living room hand in hand.

He’ll continue mulling over things tomorrow, but for now...for now, this was enough.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene had been extra attentive to him for quite some time now, always asking if his back was aching, even rubbing his lower spine every now and then when he asked the question. It was getting to him; it shouldn’t, but it was. For all he knew, it could have just been Eugene being a good friend after he found out that Zach’s AS was bothering him again. But it felt more than that. Sure, Eugene hates it when any of the Try Guys were in pain or upset, but recently, his attention – and affection? It had been focused on him, Zach, and what the taller man had been doing felt too much like flirting.
> 
>  
> 
> ***Don’t own, don’t sue...I’m broke af.

The rest of Friday night, surprisingly, went well. Zach and Eugene hung out, watched horror movies on Netflix, finished their dinner and beer, and popped some popcorn as they watched their second horror movie of the night. It felt...normal. Domestic, even, and it should have freaked Zach out, but it didn’t. Rather, it gave him a sense of comfort. Zach felt safe with Eugene.

The rest of the weekend was spent mulling over what happened on Friday and Zach figuring out how he felt about Eugene liking him romantically, and, more importantly, how Zach felt about Eugene. He was definitely flattered by the idea of the most attractive, most talented, hottest, and sexiest Try Guy liking him in a way that goes beyond friendship, but he wasn’t sure if he can reciprocate the feelings that Eugene had for him.

Monday came too fast for Zach’s liking. He was no closer to clarity than he was last Friday. Granted that his brain was no longer a discombobulated mess, but he still hadn’t figured out how he felt about everything and if he liked Eugene the same way the other man liked Zach. He was, however, able to admit that because he was this confused about everything, then he must be considering the fact that maybe - just maybe - he wasn’t as straight as he thought he was. And maybe there was some sort of attraction between the two of them.  He didn't have to be gay- _gay_ to like Eugene; he could be bisexual or pansexual, or just non-discerning, like Eugene.  He might just like Eugene.  But how does he like him exactly?  Zach is still not sure.

Zach drove to Eugene’s house on autopilot, giving him some time to further sort through the thoughts that plagued his mind. He parked by the sidewalk and honked once to let his friend know that he had arrived. He was trying to decide on something as he drove over, and as soon as he placed his car on park outside Eugene’s house, he had finally made up his mind.

Eugene finally emerged from his home and walked briskly over to Zach’s car. The moment the taller man entered the car, Zach undid his seatbelt and faced his friend.

“Eugene, last Friday you said you wanted to woo me, right?” Zach said by way of greeting.

The statement made Eugene pause from putting his seatbelt on and let go of it to face Zach. “Good morning to you, too, hot stuff,” the raven-haired man chuckled in response.

Zach grinned sheepishly, shaking his head at his eagerness. “Sorry. Good morning, Eugene.”

Eugene’s smile broadened. “So, what’s this about me wanting to woo you?”

Zach shifted in his seat, the sheepish smile not leaving his lips. He caught Eugene’s eyes travel from his lips to his eyes, and the movement caused a small current of electricity to travel up and down his spine. He averted his gaze a bit and cleared his throat. He looked up and met Eugene’s gaze.

“Uhm, so, uh, yeah...uhm, y-you said you wanted to woo me...a-and I’ve been thinking...” his voice trailed off, anxiety bubbling inside of him again."I-I d-don't think I would be averse to the idea of...uh...you know..." his voice trailed off.He shifted and turned his gaze to his fidgeting hands.

He felt more than saw slender fingers on his chin before he even realized that he was looking back at Eugene again.He watched as the taller man's gaze travelled from his eyes, to his lips, and back again.It was the second time in less than thirty minutes, and the idea of what Eugene wanted to do excited and terrified Zach.

"No, Zach, I don't," Eugene replied.Zach bit his lower lip, which only made Eugene's eyes travel back down to it.His friend sighed deeply."I wonder if your lips are as soft as they look," he heard Eugene murmur to himself, seemingly entranced by his lips.

"Uhm, what?" Zach whispered in response, blushing a deep crimson as he felt Eugene let go of his chin.The taller man rubbed the back of his neck and gave Zach an embarrassed smile.

"Uh...I said that out loud, didn't I?" he asked sheepishly.Zach nodded as a reply, but he averted his gaze to avoid meeting Eugene's eyes.He was afraid of what his reaction would have been had he met his friend's gaze.He heard a soft apology from the taller man so he looked up and cleared his throat.

"So, uhm, as I was saying, I, uh, I wouldn't be averse to the idea of, uhm...you wooing me," he finally said, finishing his earlier statement.His blush deepened further when he thought of something else."A-and I also wouldn't be against the idea of us, uhm, us going out on a date."

Eugene sighed again as he faced forward, but this time it sounded a bit dejected."Zach, don't say that if it's not serious.I already told you that me admitting my feelings to you doesn't mean that I expect us to end up together.I'm okay with how we are right now, I mean, of course it sucks, but I'll live, you know."

Zach shook his head."I know, and I appreciate your honesty and how respectful you are of me and our friendship, but I mean it.I'm not against the idea of you wooing me and me going out on a date with you."He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he delivered his next statements."I realize now that I might not be as straight as I thought I was because the idea of you liking me and us being more than friends excited me in such a way that I have never felt before for anyone, male or female.I'm not sure what I am, but I honestly don't think it matters right now, because what matters is you and me, and where this will lead us.I also know that we will never find out where this road will take us if we don't try, right?" he finished as he opened his eyes to look at Eugene, who was now staring at him, mouth agape."Uh, Eugene?"

Eugene shook his head a bit, as if to clear his head before gazing back at Zach with admiration and fondness in his eyes."God, I so want to kiss you right now," he whispered.

Zach never knew how much a human being can blush and still be alive until now.

He punched Eugene lightly on the shoulder and chuckled."Not before the first date," he quipped as he buckled his seatbelt and started the car.Eugene followed suit as he laughed with Zach before they drove off towards their office.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene had been extra attentive to him for quite some time now, always asking if his back was aching, even rubbing his lower spine every now and then when he asked the question. It was getting to him; it shouldn’t, but it was. For all he knew, it could have just been Eugene being a good friend after he found out that Zach’s AS was bothering him again. But it felt more than that. Sure, Eugene hates it when any of the Try Guys were in pain or upset, but recently, his attention – and affection? It had been focused on him, Zach, and what the taller man had been doing felt too much like flirting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3, ladies and gentlemen! Please enjoy. :)
> 
> Don’t forget to leave a kudos or a comment if you like the story. Those things feed my writing muse to work hard. ;)  
>  
> 
> ***Don’t own, did not happen, not real, all a work of fiction.

Monday went pretty well for both Eugene and Zach.Though they haven’t really talked about their imminent date, they had shared a good number of soft conversations and fond glances between them that would end in tender, not-so-hidden smiles.

And, man...if he thought Eugene was already being attentive to his needs and well-being before, then damn!He was sorely mistaken about the true capability of the other Try Guy!Considering how single-minded Eugene can get when he focuses on something that was very important to him, Zach shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was.He had never seen Eugene so focused on making sure Zach is cared for well and consistently.He had pretty much taken this wooing thing seriously.

Zach felt giddy and weird at the same time.He had never experienced being the center of someone’s attention in such an intense manner.He found it a bit overwhelming, to say the least.

It was three days after their conversation in his car that Zach suddenly felt off-kilter.  He realized that he still wasn’t 100% sure about his decision to go on a date with Eugene.  He was so worried about it that his AS started flaring up again.  He knew he wouldn’t be able to make up his mind if he didn’t try, but he still had his reservations that he might just be in it for the ride, which was totally unfair to Eugene.  Eugene who had been so wonderful and caring and sweet.  He wanted to be sure, but he was scared that he would end up hurting his friend’s feelings.  That conflict was what was causing him discomfort at that moment, and it was starting to affect his health.

He was lying on the sofa in their office’s lounge-slash-interview room, waiting for his latest flare-up to pass.The pain was a constant, nagging shitstorm on his back, and he was close to losing his mind due to the combination of the pain and his worries.

That was how Keith found him.The tallest Try Guy was looking for him to ask what he wanted for lunch.

“Hey, you okay?” Keith asked, concern coloring his voice.

Zach winced as he tried to sit up, but Keith stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder and sat on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“Not really,” Zach admitted weakly.  Keith motioned him to scoot to the side a bit, which he did, and his best friend sat beside him.

“Want to talk about it?” the other man asked.

Zach sighed.He felt like he hasn’t been doing anything else the entire day except sigh.Even Eugene noticed earlier that he was in a pretty shitty mood and decided to give him his space for a bit.He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to decide if he should admit everything to his best friend or not.

“My back hurts like a motherfucker,” he mumbled.

“No, Zach, you’re not going to get away that easily.”

Zach pouted and looked at his friend.This is the downside of his best friend knowing all of his tells.“Fine.”Zach sighed for the nth time that day.“I’m worried I might not like Eugene the way he likes me,” he whispered, shame coloring his cheeks.

“Why do you say that?” Keith asked.

Zach frowned.Why _did_ he say that?“I-I don’t know...maybe because I’m still unsure if I’m doing this - agreeing to go out with him - for the right reasons.What if I’m only interested in the fact that this really hot and smart guy - who happens to be one of my best friends - likes me and I haven’t had that in a long time?Keith, I haven’t been in a relationship for years now, I’m afraid I don’t know what genuine feels like.What if I’m just infatuated with the attention I’m getting?”

Keith stared at Zach with understanding brimming in his eyes.“That’s actually a valid concern.What do you want to do now?”

Zach felt his face contort to match how forlorn he felt about his situation.“I honestly don’t know...”

“Well, I did tell you last Friday that I didn’t expect us to become a couple after I told you how I felt,” a soft, deep voice said from the doorway across them.All the blood drained from Zach’s face as he turned his eyes to the owner of the voice.

“I-uh...I’ll leave you guys alone so you can talk,” Keith mumbled.He gave Zach’s shoulder a comforting squeeze as he stood and left the two men.He nodded at Eugene as he passed him and the Asian man gave the tallest Try Guy a small smile.

When they were finally alone, Eugene crossed the room in graceful strides and sat where Keith was seated.Zach couldn’t look at him.

“Zach, look at me,” Eugene said, his voice firm, but soft.Zach slowly did, his eyes burning as he held back his emotions.When he looked at Eugene’s face, he noticed that his eyes were hard and shuttered, but the moment the taller man noticed that Zach was in pain, not just physically, but emotionally, he sighed and let his guard down.It only made Zach feel worse.

“Oh, Zach.What am I going to do with you?” he murmured as he placed the paper bags that Zach didn’t notice he was holding on the coffee table.He gently took Zach’s eyeglasses off and motioned for him to scoot a bit closer to the side of the couch as he slipped off his shoes.He laid down beside Zach and gathered him in his arms, allowing the smaller man to pillow his head on Eugene’s bicep.Eugene, who hated hugs, was openly and willingly embracing Zach in the most comforting way, which caused the younger man to let go of all his inhibitions as the first few tears were set free from his eyes.He wasn’t much of a cryer, but because of his exhaustion and pain and worries, he couldn’t stop himself from shedding a few tears.

It felt like Eugene was absorbing all of his tension, stress, and pain away with every stroke of his hand on Zach’s back and hair.It felt comforting and disconcerting at the same time.Zach’s tears eventually stopped.

“Does your back still hurt?” Eugene asked, his hand stopping its motions.Zach nodded in response.

“Are you at least comfortable?” he asked again.  Zach nodded again.

“Okay, good.”  Eugene continued rubbing Zach’s back.

They laid there in silence for a few more minutes before Eugene spoke up again.

“Zach, when you’re with me, how do you feel?  And please be honest, I can take it.”

Zach sniffed.He looked up a bit to look at Eugene’s face and saw the worried look in the other man’s eyes.He felt like Eugene’s eyes were boring into his soul, but he held it to make sure Eugene knew he’s telling the truth.

“I feel safe when I’m with you, but so, so confused, especially when you’re not around.When I know you’re just there, I feel at peace and confident, but I also worry about hurting you, because I don’t know if I like you the way you like me,” he replied quietly.

Eugene stopped rubbing his back and fell quiet for a few seconds.“Are you happy when we’re together?” he asked softly, as if afraid of what the answer would be.

Zach bit his lip and looked away.  He needed some time to answer Eugene’s question.  He didn’t want to lie to the man, nor would he want to give him a half-baked answer.  That just wasn’t fair, so he took a moment to think about it.

How _did_ he feel when he was with Eugene?Did he feel happy?Was that happiness genuine or is it only because Eugene showers him with attention and care non-stop?

He mulled over the question while Eugene patiently waited for his answer.He turned it over in his head again and again, recalling each moment that he was with Eugene and how he had felt during those occasions, even the moments prior to when the raven-haired man had admitted his feelings for Zach.He was surprised with where his mind took him and how each made him smile.His lips started to turn up slowly with every thought.When he was finally sure of his answer, he looked up and met Eugene’s gaze.

“Yes,” he said simply.

“What?” Eugene asked, but he was smiling. His gaze dropped from Zach’s eyes to his lips, and back up to his eyes.

“Yes, Eugene, I’m happy when I’m with you.”The answer made the smile on Eugene’s face bigger.

“Do you think that’ll be enough?At least until you’re sure?”

Zach stared at Eugene for half a heartbeat and he placed a hand at the back of the other man’s neck.It was now his turn to allow his gaze to travel from those deep, black eyes, down to those supple, pink lips before traveling back to those eyes that were gazing at him intently.A confidence that Zach had never felt before settled in his stomach and he was suddenly sure of what he wanted to say and do.

“Yeah, I think that’ll be enough,” he whispered.Their faces were so close to one another that all it took was the slightest bit of movement and his lips were touching Eugene’s in the softest of kisses that took the other man by surprise.It took Eugene a second before the Asian cradled his head in his hand as he pressed his lips harder against Zach’s in an attempt to deepen the kiss, but Zach slowly pulled away, leaving a confused Eugene staring at him with knitted brows.The other Try Guy tried to lean in for another kiss, but Zach placed a hand on Eugene’s chest and gently pushed him away with a soft laugh.

“Oh no, that’s the only thing you get until we go on our first date,” the smaller man said, chuckling.Eugene laughed with him as he hugged him close and placed a kiss on his forehead.

“That’s fine.At least now I know that your lips are actually softer than they look,” Eugene murmured as he placed another kiss on Zach’s forehead.

“Let me take you out tomorrow then, after work.Pick you up at seven?” Eugene said, looking at him expectantly. Zach nodded his assent with a smile.

“Okay, great!Go on, take a nap.I’ll be right here when you wake up.We’ll have lunch when you’re feeling better.”Eugene tightened his arms around Zach and gave his forehead another kiss.It made Zach feel giddy and the butterflies in his stomach just started dancing.

Zach closed his eyes as he settled further into Eugene’s embrace.He pushed away the remaining tendrils of doubt that was niggling at the back of his brain as he tried to let slumber take him away for a bit.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene had been extra attentive to him today, always asking if his back was aching, even rubbing his lower back every now and then when he sees discomfort on the younger man's face. It could have just been him being a great friend after he found out that Zach’s condition was bothering him again, but it felt more than that. Sure, Eugene hates it when any of the Try Guys were in pain or upset, but recently, his attention – and affection? It had been focused on him, Zach, and what he had been doing felt too much like flirting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-date jitters, y’all.

Date day finally arrived. And he felt like an idiot for calling Friday “date day” just because he agreed to go out with Eugene.

 _Oh god! What if this isn’t a date?_ Zach thought. Eugene said he wanted to take him out, but he didn’t explicitly say that it was a date. Does the words “let me take you out tomorrow” equate to a date? They had talked about going out on a date and just figuring everything out from there. So is this a date- _date_? Or is he just overthinking things again? He just used the word “date” too many times in one thought, so he must be.

He blew out a deep, drawn-out sigh and scratched his forehead. He was at home, feeling all fresh and clean after a hot shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, until the thought crossed his mind. Now, he was tense and anxious and he didn’t know how to get the jitters out of his system. He had been staring at his closet for a good ten minutes, trying to figure out what to wear, and he still hasn’t made a decision until now because of the stupid things that kept running through his brain. He walked backwards and sat on his bed, jostling Bowie who was lying on it, his adorable face resting on his front paws.

Bowie raised his head and cocked it to the right, looking at his human with something akin to concern. A soft whine escaped the pup’s mouth and he shuffled closer to his dad to place his head on Zach’s lap. Another whine left Bowie’s lips, an obvious attempt to comfort the man. Zach looked at his dog and rubbed his head, smiling at his pet’s attempt to make him feel better.

“Hey, buddy. Sorry, dad’s awkwardness is making him all sorts of weird and crazy.” He paused. “Well, weirder and crazier than usual,” he finished with a self-deprecating laugh. “Uncle Ned is going to take you for the night so you’ll get to have a sleepover with Bean, Pesto, and Emma. You like that, don’t you?” Bowie barked once, as if to say yes, which made Zach chuckle. “I thought so.”

Zach pushed Bowie off his lap gently and stood again. “Well, I better get dressed, then. Once Uncle Eugene gets here, we’ll take you to Uncle Ned’s to see your cousins, okay?”

He faced his closet again and thought about where Eugene would take him. He mentioned casual, but not too casual, and although it wasn’t exactly nippy outside, it wasn’t warm either, so Zach decided on a thin, plain white shirt, a nice black cashmere sweater that wasn’t too thick, and a pair of dark wash skinny jeans. He finished it off with his gray Nike’s and a bit of cologne, and he was good to go.

Bowie jumped off the bed and pattered out of the room.

“Bowie?” Zach called out, putting his glasses on and grabbing his wallet and phone before scurrying after his dog. Not five seconds after, he heard a knock on his door.

 _And the butterflies are back. Damn butterflies_. He thought. Zach inhaled sharply and blew out a long stream of air to calm himself as he walked towards the front door to open it.

Eugene stood outside his door, looking absolutely scrumptious in a maroon shirt, denim jacket, tight black ankle pants, and black suede boots that should look stupid on any other person, but on him, it just works. The man looked delicious, and Zach almost salivated just staring at him.

Eugene gave him his most gorgeous smile, and he just melted. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Zach squeaked back. He cleared his throat and opened the door wider to allow the other man to come in. Eugene did so and immediately spotted Bowie, who already had his leash in his mouth, tail wagging, looking very excited - it seems - to see his friends.

“Hey Bowie! How are you, buddy?” Eugene cooed as he knelt on one knee when Bowie started walking towards him. Eugene wrapped his arms around the dog and rubbed him all over. “Are you excited to see your friends? Yes you are! Yes you are!” the taller man cooed. Bowie reveled in the attention.

Zach couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face. Seeing Eugene play with Bowie like this made him feel all tingly and comfortable at the same time. He truly felt happy with the man, and the realization made him feel calm all over. It was not an ‘ _a-ha_ ’ moment, but it was a moment, nonetheless.

He watched as Eugene stood and faced him, the same gorgeous smile still on his face. “Ready?” Zach nodded in response, smiling still. “You look amazing,” Eugene commented as he let his gaze travel from Zach’s eyes, down to his feet, and back up. The Asian man had a look in his eyes that made Zach feel hot under the collar, and in other parts of his body as well.

Zach let out an embarrassed giggle. _Oh god, why? Why did I giggle?_ He thought, feeling the blush rising up his neck to his cheeks.

Eugene planted both his hands on his hips and his smile widened into a grin. He slowly walked towards Zach. “I hope you realize how adorable you are and how hard it is for me to stop myself from pushing you against the door and just kissing the living daylights out of you.”

Zach turned from pink to crimson. He cleared his throat and ducked his head.

“Come on, let’s go,” Zach mumbled, still blushing. He walked over to Bowie and attached the leash to his collar. They walked out of the house side by side towards Eugene’s car, Bowie in tow. Eugene walked over towards the back and opened the door to help Zach get Bowie in. Ned had already picked up Pesto and Emma earlier that day and were already waiting at the Fulmers’.

The drive to Ned’s place was relatively quick, especially for a Friday night. Zach alighted the car to get Bowie. Eugene was right beside him as they walked over to Ned’s front door. Eugene faced Zach as they knocked on the door.

“Can I say hi to Pesto and Emma real quick?” he asked as they waited for someone to answer the door.

“Of course,” Zach answered as Ned answered the door.

“Hey guys,” Ned said in greeting before dropping on one knee to pet Bowie. “Hi, big guy! How are you? You want to see your pals?”

“I’ll bring him inside. I want to say hi to Pesto and Emma,” Eugene said with a small smile. He then led Bowie into the house, leaving Ned and Zach alone on the front porch for a bit.

Zach was following Eugene’s back with his gaze as the man walked further into their friend’s house before turning his attention towards the scruffy man in front of him. He sighed and smiled.

“Wow, a sigh and a smile at the same time. Must be a good night so far,” Ned quipped, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

“Eh...the night hasn’t really started yet,” Zach replied with a shrug. He couldn’t stop the slight worry he was still feeling from bleeding into his voice.

Ned studied his face carefully. “Are you still worried that you don’t like Eugene the same way? I thought you guys already talked about it?”

Zach blew out a thin stream of air and rubbed his nape. “Yeah, we did, and I feel better about everything between us, but you know me. I’m a worrier. The more things go in the positive direction, the more anxious I get.”

“Dude, you have got to stop doing this to yourself. You’re torturing yourself over nothing. He likes you, a lot from the looks of it. And you like him. Just take it from there and see where this goes. You guys are already starting to date. Stop looking at the gift horse in the mouth, and just give yourself a chance to be happy,” Ned said - well, more like lectured, really. He knew his friend meant well, and everything Ned said made sense.

“He never said that this was a date,” Zach murmured. He sounded petulant, even to his own ears, and he hated himself for being his unconfident self.

“Oh, believe me, it’s a date. One does not have to call it a date for it to be a date.” Ned smirked. “Besides, your dogs wouldn’t be relegated to my care on the weekend when my wife and son are with her parents if it weren’t a date.”

Zach chewed on his lip and looked hesitantly at Ned.

“Zach, Eugene had been shitting himself trying to make sure you’ll enjoy yourself tonight, and we both know he doesn’t do that, and has never done that with any of the people he was with before,” Ned said, his tone reassuring. “If that doesn’t make this a date, I don’t know what does.”

“Eugene never goes on dates, Ned.”

Ned gave Zach a soft smile and a side-hug as he pulled his friend into the foyer of his house. “Until now.” Ned paused for a bit and faced Zach again. “Zach, Eugene never dated in the past, but he has thrown all of that away because he likes you enough to want to be in a relationship with you.”

It was Zach’s turn to pause now. “Whoa...we haven’t talked about being in a relationship yet,” Zach exclaimed.

It was Ned’s turn to sigh. “Zach, buddy, just take it a step at a time and stop worrying about the what ifs. I assure you, it will all be amazing, you just have to give it a chance.”

Zach nodded in response, some of his initial worries abated by the talk that he just had with his friend.

There was movement from his periphery and he turned a bit to see Eugene heading their way.

“Sorry, I got caught up playing with the pups. Ned, you got to get in there. Those four are destroying your living room,” the taller man said with a chuckle. Ned cursed under his breath and started heading into his living room.

“Close the door once you’ve stepped out, guys. Have fun, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” their friend called out to them as he walked away quickly.

“Ned, you don’t do anything remotely exciting, unless on camera!” Eugene shouted back with a chuckle as they stepped out. They heard the tail end of a curse, but did not know if it was directed their way or to the dogs.

Eugene and Zach were still chuckling as they walked side by side back towards Eugene’s car. The other man rushed ahead and opened the car door for Zach, causing the smaller man to blush again.

Yeah, he can take it - this - a day at a time. He always felt happy when he’s with Eugene anyway, that shouldn’t be too hard to do.

Dear god, he really hoped it wasn’t too hard to do.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene had been extra attentive to him today, always asking if his back was aching, even rubbing his lower back every now and then when he sees discomfort on the younger man's face. It could have just been him being a great friend after he found out that Zach’s condition was bothering him again, but it felt more than that. Sure, Eugene hates it when any of the Try Guys were in pain or upset, but recently, his attention – and affection? It had been focused on him, Zach, and what he had been doing felt too much like flirting.

It had been an amazing night so far. They didn't do anything fancy, really. Just dinner at the Korean BBQ place that they both liked, then they saw the new (awful) horror movie that just came out, which they enjoyed having a laugh about. And now, they were having ice cream (coconut milk ice cream for Zach, because he didn't want to shit his brains out when he gets home, thank you very much), and just walking around just because, even if they haven’t said it aloud, they both didn't want the night to end.

It was strange and familiar, being out with Eugene like this. It’s like nothing has changed, but everything has. They had gone out together before, however it was never like this. There was never the possibility of something more looming over their heads in the past, and, at least for Zach, that was adding so much pressure on his shoulders.

“Hey, ‘Gene?” Zach said after a short moment of silence.

“Hmm?” was Eugene’s reply.

“Do you feel...I don’t know...kind of weird that we’re out on a date? I mean, being with you like this feels so familiar, but also new.” Zach paused for a bit and sighed. “Do you get what I’m trying to say?”

Eugene stayed silent for a couple of seconds, cocking his head a bit to the side, thinking either about Zach’s question or how he would answer before he gave the smaller man a soft smile.

“Yeah, I think I do. It’s so easy to be out with you like this, because we’ve done this probably a thousand times in the past, but it’s also quite different because we’re trying to figure out if this can turn into something more. There’s this nagging thought at the back of my head that keeps sayng that I’m going to screw this up, and I don’t want that to happen.”

They had finally reached Eugene’s car and he leaned against the passenger door. “I like you too much. I don’t want to fuck this up,” he said, uncertainty tainting his voice.

Zach blinked twice at Eugene’s statement. He had never heard the other man sound so unsure, and it ripped at his heart. At the back of his head, he knew it was his own indecision that’s causing Eugene to feel that way.

“You’re not fucking it up, ‘Gene. If anything, I’m the one who is,” Zach replied quietly. An exasperated sigh escaped his lips and he started fidgeting with his shirt, ice cream long gone by now. He couldn’t look at Eugene, so he just settled on staring at the pavement.

He felt a hand on his collar and, before he knew it, he was being pulled gently against a warm, firm body. Arms encircled his shoulders and he felt Eugene’s lips on his temple.

“I understand why you’re so uncertain about all this, Zach, so no, you’re not fucking up. I’ve always had a long patience when it comes to you, and I don’t mind extending that a bit more to wait until you know what you want.” Eugene pushed Zach away gently by his shoulders so that he'd meet the shorter man's gaze. “I told you I’m new to this relationship thing, and I know you’ve barely held a real relationship down in the past, but I am willing to learn. But," he paused for a second and sighed, "I also don’t want to pressure you into anything you're not sure you want, so, if you’re still unsure and uncomfortable with the idea of a relationship with me right now, then we can remain friends until you figure things out on your own -“

Zach cut Eugene off at that. “On my own?” he squeaked. Those three words sent a current of fear up and down his spine, and it took all his willpower to stop himself from shivering physically at the idea.

Eugene gave him a soft smile and took Zach's hand so he can pull him to his side and lean against the car as well. “I know it sounds scary, but I think, right now, that’s what you need.”

Zach thought about it for a minute before he nodded slowly and turned his head to look at Eugene. “Monday,” he said softly.

“Monday?” Eugene asked. He turned his head to return Zach’s gaze, his brows furrowed in an inquisitive manner.

“Yeah, Monday. Let’s start that on Monday, because we’re still on a date right now and I would appreciate it if we can end the weekend like this.”

Eugene’s furrowed brows deepened and a shadow of concern settled on his handsome face. “Do you really think that’ll help? Wouldn’t it make it harder for you to decide if we spend the weekend together?”

Zach stayed silent as he cocked his head to the side to think. After a few seconds he gave Eugene a hesitant nod. He wasn't sure that spending the weekend as a couple would help him make a decision by Monday, but he also didn't want to lose whatever _this_ was that was going on between them.

Eugene took Zach's hand in his and held on tight. "Are you sure?" the raven-haired man asked, his voice low.

Zach winced and pulled his hand back. "No, I'm not, but I also don't want this to end, you know?  I'm so, so happy when I'm with you and I don't want to throw that away just like that," he replied. He knew he sounded whiny and scared, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to lose this connection he had with Eugene.

He heard Eugene sigh and his arm wrapped around Zach's narrow shoulders. "You're not throwing anything away, Zach. It's not like our friendship is going to end just because we're not dating. We're best friends, and we forged that friendship way before all these emotions bubbled up to the surface.  It'll always be there regardless if we date or not.  That _will never_ change."

Zach sniffed. He was getting emotional, which sucked so bad. He knew Eugene was right, but he was too chickenshit to admit it. He looked at Eugene and gave him a watery smile.

"Can we at least have tonight?" he asked hesitantly. He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing, but he was more than a hundred percent sure he wanted it -- this -- them, tonight. "Please don't ask me again if I'm sure, because I am. I need tonight...I need you. Tonight."

Eugene stared at him for a couple of heartbeats, just searching those big, innocent blue eyes. He exhaled slowly and nodded. "Yeah, we can have tonight."

Zach gave him a sad smile. "Thank you," he whispered before twisting his body and reaching up to place his hand on the back of Eugene's head. He pulled the other man's head down gently and pressed his lips against Eugene's in a kiss that was both passionate and desperate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a couple of months since the last update, and I feel like I owe you all an apology. Life had been sucking twice as hard as normal, and that says a lot considering how sucky my life already was to begin with. I was afflicted with a severe case of writer's block since writing the first 3 paragraphs of this chapter last November, then I quit my job last December because my boss' boss wouldn't stop being her bitchy, unfair, holier-than-thou, "I'm better than all of you combined" self and it was feeding my depression so badly, I knew I just had to quit lest I suffer from a mental breakdown. (I did have a really bad emotional breakdown, though.) I don't have a new job yet, but the dark cloud over me has lifted, thanks in part to the Try Guys and my art, so the writer's block also left my brain, and I'm writing again now.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter (although I have my doubts given how this chapter went). Sorry again for the delay on the updates.
> 
> On to the next! XD


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene had been extra attentive to him for quite some time now, always asking if his back was aching, even rubbing his lower spine every now and then when he asked the question. It was getting to him; it shouldn’t, but it was. For all he knew, it could have just been Eugene being a good friend after he found out that Zach’s AS was bothering him again. But it felt more than that. Sure, Eugene hates it when any of the Try Guys were in pain or upset, but recently, his attention – and affection? It had been focused on him, Zach, and what the taller man had been doing felt too much like flirting.

Zach found himself in his bed, on his back, with a shirtless Eugene on top of him, kissing him like there's no tomorrow.His shirt had gotten tossed somewhere in his living room earlier, after he threw himself into the open and willing arms of the taller man the moment they entered his home.He couldn’t even remember removing it, or that he ever did, just that he was now shirtless and kissing the beautiful man on top of him.

Zach's mind was running at a hundred thoughts per minute and he did his best to push them all aside.Right now, all he wanted to do was savor the sweet, fervent kisses that the taller man was showering him — and potentially more — which he tried to return with just as much passion and earnestness.He wanted to forget that after tonight, this was all going to disappear.He couldn't bear to think of the fact that all of this was going to end before it could even begin. 

The thing is, he also didn’t know if this — a relationship with Eugene — is what he wanted.He liked Eugene so much — maybe even too much — but he was also afraid that he might just be confusing the affection he was feeling with the fondness that he obviously have with the other male, especially when his judgement was clouded by the lust rushing through his veins.How can he feel this much for one person if he was not attracted to him, right?

It was all too confusing and scary.The thoughts running through his mind clutched at his chest and it was so physically painful that he could feel tears building at the corners of his eyes.He pushed Eugene away gently and tried to sit up.Eugene obliged and sat between his legs, looking at Zach with concern brimming in his eyes.

"What's wrong?Is it your back?”Eugene paused for a couple of seconds before quietly asking “Should I go?"It was uttered so softly that Zach thought he might have imagined it, so he looked up at the other man to confirm

There was something in his eyes, something akin to fear, and it just made the pain that was lancing through Zach's chest feel much sharper and a lot more painful.It was tearing at his heart.

"N-no...I just..." Zach sighed in frustration.He fumbled for his glasses on the bedside table and put them on.He avoided Eugene's eyes as he swung his legs around the taller man and pushed off the bed to stand, but he stopped moving the moment he got up.He didn't know why he got up from bed, away from Eugene and his warm, toned body and soft, sweet lips, so he just stood there awkwardly, arms wrapped around himself and gaze on the ground. 

Eugene sighed and moved to get out of bed too.He stood in front of Zach, but didn't make a move to touch him."M-maybe I should just go.You're still not sure if you want this and I get it.I'll just, uh...look for my shirt, a-and I'll get out of your hair, okay?"Eugene started walking towards the bedroom door. 

Eugene sounded so lost and defeated that the pain Zach was feeling in his chest tripled in intensity.His hand flew out and grabbed onto Eugene's wrist before he could walk beyond Zach's grasp."’Gene, please, don't go," he cried out.He walked closer to the Asian, his hand not letting go of the other man. 

Eugene turned towards Zach, scrubbing his face with his free hand.His posture was now different.It was tense — rigid, even.He had switched back to cold, unfeeling Eugene who would never wear his heart on his sleeve, which they all thought he had grown out of by now.The Eugene who doesn’t have access to his emotions.

"What do you want from me, Zach?You’re clearly conflicted about this.Earlier, you said you needed tonight, but now, it seems like you don't want 'tonight' to happen.I know I said I have a long patience when it comes to you — and I do — but I also don't like it when my patience is being tested.You know this about me!And as much as I care about you, I don't know if I can keep teetering on the edge of a relationship like this."Eugene didn't sound upset or frustrated.He sounded like he was holding back; a sound that Zach was very familiar with when it comes to Eugene.

"I-I'm sorry, ‘Gene," Zach whispered.He let go of Eugene's wrist and sat back on his bed.His eyes were starting to burn and ache trying to hold back his tears.He didn’t want to cry in front of Eugene.

Eugene sighed, sounding exhausted at this point, and sat back on the bed."I know you are...I just..." Eugene ran a hand through his disheveled hair, frustration now evident on his face."You are so indecisive, but you keep reeling me into a relationship that you're not sure you even want to have.You keep saying your happy when you're with me, but you also keep pushing me away, little by little, inch by fucking inch!And that is so unfair, Zach!It's unfair to me and so selfish of you!I deserve better than being used as a tool in someone's exploration into the world of homosexuality!"

Zach was taken aback by Eugene's outburst, but at the same time, each word that came out of the other man's mouth was like a knife piercing through his heart.And as always, Zach allowed his knee-jerk reaction to take over all sense of rational thought.

“I am not using you!How can you even say that?You know me well enough to know that I can never do that to you!” he blurted out, astonished that Eugene can even think of him that way.

Eugene threw his hands up in the air and stood up.“Really?” Eugene huffed.“Can you honestly tell me you’re straight?Can you tell me, with absolutely no shadow of doubt, that you are or aren’t queer?”

Eugene paused and stared at Zach dead in the eyes.“Can you tell me, with all honesty, that you like me the same way I like you?As much as _I_ like _you_?”

Zach stared at Eugene, dumbfounded.He didn’t know how to answer his questions, so he didn’t.Eugene’s stare was burning through to the very core of his being.He was afraid Eugene would be able to see right through him again so he averted his gaze.

It was a huge mistake.

Eugene shook his head, the fight seeming to leek out of him at Zach’s silence.“I thought so,” he said quietly, a small sardonic smile gracing his lips.He huffed and turned to leave.

Zach sat on his bed, paralyzed with the fear that he just ruined one of the best friendships he had ever had in his entire life, as well as a potential relationship that he could’ve had, just because he was so afraid.

What exactly was he afraid of?Was he afraid of getting hurt?His own sexuality?Ruining one of his best friend’s life? Hurting Eugene?

He just did that, though.He hurt Eugene.

The sound of a car — Eugene’s car — starting up snapped Zach out of his thoughts.He jumped off his bed and ran out of his house even though he knew running after Eugene’s car was going to be futile.

Eugene’s car was nowhere in sight the moment he stepped over the threshold, and Zach had never felt more of a fuck up until now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a sad ending, I know! I’m sorry! I just had to. I love drama too much. XD 
> 
> I hope you guys still enjoyed it, regardless of the sad end to the chapter. :) Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated because, right now, validation is the only thing that’s keeping me going.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene had been extra attentive to him for quite some time now, always asking if his back was aching, even rubbing his lower spine every now and then when he asked the question. It was getting to him; it shouldn’t, but it was. For all he knew, it could have just been Eugene being a good friend after he found out that Zach’s AS was bothering him again. But it felt more than that. Sure, Eugene hates it when any of the Try Guys were in pain or upset, but recently, his attention – and affection? It had been focused on him, Zach, and what the taller man had been doing felt too much like flirting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eugene's POV. I wanted to show Eugene's reaction, actions, and thoughts after everything that had gone down.

Eugene jumped into his car, jaws clenched as he tried to suppress his emotions. He was palpitating and he knew he's on the verge of a panic attack. His heart twisted painfully in his chest and he just wanted to cry and howl and scream. He was hurt; deeply hurt.

_That's what you get for wearing your heart on your sleeve, Eugene thought. You took a gamble and now, you're paying the price. This is why you never tell anyone how you feel. This is why you never should have fallen in love. Especially with Zach. You knew what you were getting yourself into._

Eugene made a left into a familiar street and parked on the curb. He jumped out of the car and jogged towards the door, tears held back. He needed a friend and he needed his dogs, so Ned was the first person he thought about the moment he hopped into his car.

His hands were trembling as he raised a fist to knock on the door. Three quick hesitant raps, and after a few seconds the door opened. Ned was standing there, staring at him with a bewildered look on his face.

"Eugene? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Zach?" Ned asked, not hiding the confusion from his face.

"Yeah, well, that didn't turn out so well, so..." he trailed off. "Can I come in? I'd really like to get my dogs now." Eugene's voice was hesitant and subdued. It kind of freaked Ned out.

"Sure, of course," Ned said, opening the door wider so Eugene can step in. "Do you want a drink? I still have some of that whiskey you like."

"Yeah, sure. I don't have anywhere else that I'd need to be, so why the hell not, right?" Eugene replied, his tone exuding exaggerated nonchalance that Ned could see right through, but he let it go.

Eugene stepped in and went straight for the couch where Emma and Pesto were napping. He looked at his dogs and smiled a little. "Looks like these two are wiped out."

Ned walked over to Eugene and handed him a glass of whiskey. "Yeah, they spent almost the entire night just running around and wrestling in the backyard, well, except for Emma, of course." He settled on the seat across Eugene and took a sip of his own drink.

"W-where's Bowie?" Eugene asked. As much as he loves Zach's dog, he doesn't think he can handle seeing anything that is even remotely associated with the man.

"He's in our bedroom, napping with Bean," Ned replied. Eugene nodded and looked down at the glass of amber liquid in his hand.

After a few seconds of silence, Ned looked at Eugene who was just staring at his drink quietly, his jaw clenched and tense. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked his friend quietly.

Eugene looked up and sighed. He leaned against the back of the couch and finished his whiskey in one gulp before setting it down on the coffee table. "I pushed him too hard, Ned. I knew he was scared and unsure about all of this, but I kept pushing and pushing, until we both just broke." There was pain in Eugene's voice, and Ned couldn't help but feel bad about everything.

"You know that's not true. All throughout that, you gave him a choice. You always gave him a choice. You passed the ball to him and you never took it back." Ned watched Eugene shake his head bitterly. "Hey, no. None of that. This is not all on you, Eugene. It's as much his responsibility as it is yours."

Eugene looked away, his jaw still tense. "I shouldn't have fallen in love with Zach," he mumbled dejectedly.

"Eugene, falling in love isn't something you can control, you know that."

"Yeah, but acting on it is something that was within my control, and I made the wrong choice to pursue Zach even if there's a 50-50 chance of things going the way I envisioned it to." Eugene leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, hands clenched together in front of him. He stared at the carpet at his feet before closing his eyes.

"Hey, buddy, you did what you thought was right. No one can fault you for that," Ned replied, quietly, leaning forward.

Eugene sat back up and rubbed his hands on his pants. "Uhm, you know that thing I told you about two weeks ago?"

Nee's eyebrows furrowed. "The Asian-American convention in Houston?"

Eugene nodded in confirmation.

"What about it?"

"It's going to be held on Friday, and I was planning to go there on Thursday, but with everything that had gone down, I think I'll fly over to Texas on Monday. Maybe visit my dad for a bit, work on my speech...just, you know, clear my head before facing Zach again?"

Ned's face softened and stood. He sat beside Eugene and placed a hand on the taller man's shoulder. "Sure, buddy. Whatever you need. We can hold down the fort while you're there. Just do me a favor?

Eugene looked up and met Ned's intent eyes. "What?" He looked on as hesitation flashed in Ned's eyes. "What is it, Ned?"

"Promise me that while you're there, you'll think about your situation with Zach and figure things out."

Eugene sighed. "I was going to go there to forget about it," he murmured.

Ned shook his head. "You know that's not possible, Eugene. Look, I promise I'll make sure he doesn't contact you while you're there, but you have to promise me that you'll also try to figure things out for yourself, and for him. You owe yourself that."

Eugene looked away and closed his eyes. After a few seconds, he let out a long, drawn-out sigh and nodded his assent.

Ned gave him a small smile when he looked back at him and stood. "Stay here for the night. I don't want you to drive in your condition." A short, sardonic laugh escaped his lips. "Had I known what happened beforehand, I would have picked you up myself!" Ned sighed and walked towards the back of the house. "The guest bedroom has clean linens. I'll get you a fresh toothbrush. You can pour us another shot of whiskey, I'll be back in a bit.

Eugene smiled a little despite his situation. He leaned against the backrest of the couch and put Pesto -- who was now awake, albeit still looking sleepy -- on his lap. He closed his eyes and willed his thoughts away, even for just one night.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene had been extra attentive to him for quite some time now, always asking if his back was aching, even rubbing his lower spine every now and then when he asked the question. It was getting to him; it shouldn’t, but it was. For all he knew, it could have just been Eugene being a good friend after he found out that Zach’s AS was bothering him again. But it felt more than that. Sure, Eugene hates it when any of the Try Guys were in pain or upset, but recently, his attention – and affection? It had been focused on him, Zach, and what the taller man had been doing felt too much like flirting.

Zach barely slept and ate the entire weekend. He kept calling and texting Eugene, but the man was not answering him and it was causing him endless anxiety and stress. This in turn made his back and joints ache like a motherfucker. He was supposed to take his medication, but the guilt of hurting Eugene made him not want to. He wanted - needed - to feel pain because he had deeply hurt the most important person in his life.

Driving to work gave him something else to think about, but his mind kept wandering. Eugene was bound to be there, and after a gut-wrenching weekend, he didn't exactly know how he would be able to face his friend after what went down during their date.

 _Date, hah! More like a trainwreck_ , the voice inside his head resonated mockingly. Some date that was! That was the single most awful date he had ever had out of all the horrible dates he had ever had. Granted he hadn't been on a lot of dates, but considering how romantically inept he had been through the years, that counted for something.

Zach berated himself again at the thought. He couldn't risk losing his composure right now. He was driving for god's sake! He already had one car accident too many in his lifetime.

He finally arrived at their office. With a deep sigh, he undid his seatbelt and stepped out of his car, walking briskly towards the entrance. It was time to get facing Eugene over and done with. He stepped in and went straight to his desk, looking around for a certain Asian man.

"Morning Zach," a deep voice greeted him. He whirled around to face Keith.

"Hey, uhm," he greeted back haltingly. "Uh, wh-where's Eugene?" he asked quietly.

It was Keith's turn to hesitate. "Uh..." the taller man started to say, but was cut off by Ned who stepped into the room.

"Eugene flew to Texas early for an Asian-American convention," Ned said, sipping his coffee.

Zach's eyes widened and he felt panic set in, "I thought he was flying there on Thursday?"

Ned shrugged and went over to his own desk. He pulled out his chair and sat, looking down at his coffee cup. "He wanted to visit his dad for a bit before heading to the convention."

The panic that was unfurling in Zach's stomach was slowly reaching his throat and it made him feel sick. "Why would he do that?" he asked, mostly himself. The question hung in the air as he moved to lean against his table, shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Why do you think?" Ned asked him quietly.

Zach's head turned sharply towards Ned's direction at the question. The hurt that he tried to stomp down went crawling back up into his stomach, twining itself with the panic that was already there, and making it's way slowly up to his heart to clench at it painfully. He hung his head in shame, trying his best to stave off the tears.

"I didn't mean for that to happen. I didn't want to hurt him," Zach murmured tearfully.

He didn't see the look that Keith shot Ned at Zach's reaction, to which Ned just shrugged in response.

"Buddy, we know that, and no one's blaming you for what happened, but this might actually be good for you both, you know. The time apart can help you think better, assess the situation and figure things out on your own, without the 'will they, won't they' question looming over your heads all the time when you guys are in each other's presence," Keith said. He was about to wrap a placating arm around Zach's shoulders when the smaller man shot up from the table and faced Keith.

"I need to borrow your phone," he said urgently, hand outstretched.

"Why?"

"Just give me your phone, Keith. It's not like I'm going to run off with it," Zach replied, his tone becoming more urgent with every word.

Ned stood abruptly from his chair as well, suddenly aware of what Zach was planning to do. "Hey, no! None of that! He doesn't want to talk to you right now!" Ned exclaimed.

Zach ignored Ned's outburst and just focused on Keith's face. "Keith, please. I need to try."

Keith looked at Zach, then at Ned, and back at Zach, watching the earnestness in the smaller man's blue eyes. With a sigh, he fished his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and handed it to Zach, much to Ned's exasperation. The other man threw his hands up in the air and swiveled his chair to face his laptop and turn it on.

Zach smiled at Keith in thanks and immediately went to his friend's contacts and found the number he was looking for. He touched the screen and waited for Eugene to pick up.

"Hey, Keith, what's up?" Eugene's voice crackled through the earpiece after three rings. Zach blew out a sigh of relief.

"Gene, please, please don't hang up. I need to talk to you" Zach said, no, pleaded, his voice desperate and urgent at the same time. He had a death grip on Keith's phone as he held it against his ear. He felt like it was the only thing grounding him right now.

He heard a sigh on the other end of the line; a sound that made Zach's heart clench painfully in his chest.

"Zach," Eugene's morose voce floated into his ear. "I have nothing to say to you." Eugene's voice was flat and monotonous. It was the tone he would usually use when he was indifferent about something. The thought hurt Zach more than the possibility of Eugene hating him.

"Please, just hear me out, man. Please..." Zach was close to tears now. He was leaning on his table, facing the wall, arms shaking as he tried to restrain his emotions.

There was another sigh on the other line. "Put Ned on the line," Eugene said quietly.

"No, please, Eugene, you have to hear me out!" Zach cried out. It was a good thing only the three of them were in the office at that moment, because Zach was sure he was causing a commotion right about now, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Not when this world of pain was lancing through his heart over and over again.

"No. Put Ned on the line," he heard Eugene say through gritted teeth.

Zach tried to muffle the sob that escaped his lips as he handed the phone to Ned. He didn't know when he started crying, but the tears were there. This was his reality now, and it sucked balls.

He felt Keith wrap his arms around him as the taller man tried to console him with quietly murmured 'sshh's' and a hand rubbing soothingly on his back. He could barely hear the mumbled conversation Ned was having with Eugene as the other man had stepped away from the two to get some semblance of privacy.

After around a couple of minutes, Ned came back into the room and handed Keith his phone back, Eugene now gone from the line. Zach was reasonably calmer now, but was still sniffling a little after the bout of tears he had.

"Please don't call him again for now. He said he'll talk to you when he gets back," Ned said quietly before sitting back at his desk to start working.

Zach knew there was no arguing with Ned about what he just said, so he let it go, feeling dejected and defeated. His shoulders were slumped and he now had a pounding headache, not to mention his back was killing him.

People had starting to file into their office, unaware of the drama that had just transpired between their bosses. Zach looked around, unseeing really, but also knowing he won't be able to continue working in his current condition.

He grabbed his bag and shouldered it, taking his keys from where he had thrown them on his table.

"I-I'm going take the day off. I just-I can't...my back is killing me so I'll just go home," Zach said, not really talking to anyone, but also not caring if they heard him.

Keith grabbed his arm as he tried to make his way to the door. "Zach, buddy, don't be like that, come on!" Keith blurted out, but Zach just shook his arm off.

"Sorry, I just can't..." Zach mumbled in response before rushing out of their office. He barely heard Keith's angry outburst of 'Did you really have to do that?' from inside, possibly directed towards Ned, before he jumped into his car and drove off.

~oOo~

The tears were threatening to flow again. He knew he shouldn't be driving while he was emotional, but he also didn't want to stay at the office when he was nearing an emotional breakdown. Much as he wanted to stop the tears that were spilling out of his eyes, he couldn't, and it was blurring his vision, making it all the more dangerous for him to drive home, so he did the responsible thing and pulled over. Once his car was at a full stop, he slammed his hand against the steering wheel, and let out a pained cry before letting the tears lose. He removed his eyeglasses and started wiping the tears and snot off his face with the sleeve of his jacket.

Hearing that Eugene did not want to hear him out was painful, but he figured he deserved it, especially after everything he had Eugene go through. He didn't know why he had to be so indecisive when the fact that he did like Eugene was glaring. It had to take this - Eugene leaving, albeit temporarily - for him to realize that he liked the Asian, much more than he was ever willing to admit before. But he is now. He liked Eugene, a lot.

No, that wasn't right. This profound pain he was feeling now, and the indescribable happiness he always felt when he was with Eugene was not just simple like. Everytime he thought about the man - that beautiful, lopsided smile when Zach did something the taller man found cute; the way he would throw his head back when he laughed at one of Zach's jokes and how his eyes would disappear when he did so; the intensity in his eyes when he talked about something he was extremely passionate about; or how he would try to hide his concern, but ultimately fail, whenever he saw any of his friends in any sort of pain or discomfort. Everything about Eugene, regardless if it was infuriatingly smart, or just plain infuriating, made Zach just adore him with each passing day.

He was in love with Eugene Lee Yang. He was madly and deeply in love with Eugene Lee-fucking-Yang.

The realization hit him like a freight train, and he immediately knew that if he didn't tell Eugene about how he felt right now, he would lose him forever. He was about to grab his phone to call Eugene, but realized that he was probably not going to answer once he saw his name on the screen again.

Zach made a decision before he could second-guess himself and started his car. He felt like he was calm enough to drive, so he pulled off the curb and started to drive away before grabbing his phone and speed dialed Keith's number. He cradled the phone between his shoulder and ear.

"Hey, Keith! Can you tell me what time Eugene's flight is?"

"Buddy, please for your sake, let it go for now. You guys will get to talk when he gets back," Keith replied over the phone.

Zach shook his head as he made his way to the intersection. The light was still green so he decided to floor it, going as fast as he legally could, crossing the it. "You don't understand! I lo-"

Zach was unable to finish what he was trying to say because he heard a loud crunch from behind him. His body lunged sideways and forward in his seat, before feeling his car spin.   Another loud 'bang' resounded to his right and everything went black.


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer 1:  
> This is a work of fiction. I do not, in any way, shape, or form, own the Try Guys or their company, or anything else Try Guys. This story is all a figment of my weird, disturbed imagination
> 
> Disclaimer 2:  
> I am not a doctor nor am I in the medical profession. Please forgive any medical jargon error stuff that I may have included in the story. Even with the stuff I have read about AS, I am still not well-versed with the illness. I do not claim medical accuracy in any of the statements below.

Eugene was already in line to board the plane when his phone vibrated inside his pocket.  He fished it out and saw Ned’s face and name lighting up the screen.

“Ned?” Eugene answered the call by way of a question.  He was just talking to the man not even an hour ago, so he found it strange that he was calling Eugene again.

“Eugene, y-you have to come back now!  I-it’s Zach…” Ned said, panic and fear strongly evident in his voice.  Few things scare Ned Fulmer outside of his family and friends getting hurt, and this – this is the sound of his best friend deathly afraid.  That fear and the mention of Zach’s name made cold dread trickle down his spine, causing him to clutch his phone tighter.

“What happened?  Is Zach okay?”  Ned?” Eugene asked, a little too loudly, causing the people around him to look his way in bewilderment, some in annoyance, but he couldn’t care less.  He quickly left the line and made his way briskly towards the exit.  Thank goodness he packed light and only had a carry-on luggage and backpack with him!

He heard Ned gulp audibly and the siren of an ambulance in the background.  The sounds combined were the most ominous combination he has ever heard in his entire life, and it made the dread that was crawling down his spine creep into the pit of his stomach.  He was now outside the airport, looking around for a cab.

“Ned!  Tell me what happened!”  He was practically screaming into the phone now, panic bubbling up inside him.

“Eugene, t-there was an a-accident a-and Zach…”  Eugene didn’t – couldn’t let him finish what he was saying.  He leaned against the taxi bay sign and emptied the contents of his stomach onto the pavement.  He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before putting his phone back to his ear.

“Which hospital?” Eugene asked shakily.  He flagged the oncoming taxi and motioned for he driver to pop the trunk.

“Eugene…” Ned murmured, hesitating.

“Which fucking hospital, Ned!”

“Cedar-Sinai,” Ned muttered in response.

Eugene hung up and jumped into the cab after stowing his luggage in the trunk.

 

~oOo~

 

Eugene practically flew into the entrance of Cedar-Sinai, his head turning in every direction physically possible, looking for his friends.  He  saw Ned walking towards him and he ran towards his friend, luggage in tow.

“Ned!  Where’s Zach?”  What the fuck happened?” he asked as soon as his friend was within hearing distance.  Ned led him towards the waiting area.

“A van that tried to beat a red light crashed into Zach’s car as he was driving past an intersection.  He’s in surgery right now,” Ned explained haltingly.  Eugene stopped at that and pulled Ned’s arm to make him stop walking.

“Wait, surgery?  How bad was it?” Eugene asked.  He noticed the blood on Ned’s shirt, hands and arms, and thought he was going to be sick again.  The dread in the pit of his stomach was now unfurling into full on fear and panic.

Ned sighed, looking completely worn out and older than he actually is.  The shorter man looked up and met Eugene’s dark eyes.  “Eugene, he got banged up pretty badly.  He has a concussion and some internal bleeding.  They said he broke – “

Eugene suddenly felt lightheaded.  He couldn’t listen anymore.  He could almost feel the walls closing in on him and his knees gave out.  He almost hit the floor if Ned hadn’t caught him in time.

“No, no, no, no, no…” Eugene whispered, clutching at Ned’s arm.

“Hey, hey, no, Eugene, he’ll be okay.  Come on, you can’t break down now.  We need to be strong, for Zach,” Ned told Eugene soothingly.  He half carried, half supported Eugene as they made their way towards the waiting area where Keith had just hung up on someone.  Eugene noticed that he, too, had dried blood on his shirt, jeans, hands, and arms.  He felt the blood drain out of his face at the sight and what his and Ned’s combined look may have implied.

He watched as Keith stood from where he was seated and approached Eugene, engulfing him in what was supposed to be a comforting hug.  Ironically, Eugene was not comforted.

After Keith let go of Eugene, they sat on the chairs at the waiting area.

“Zach’s folks will try their best to get the next flight out.  They’re hoping to get here tonight, at the latest, tomorrow morning.  I had them speak to the hospital staff and they agreed to give us blanket authorization with regards to Zach’s condition until Mr. and Mrs. Kornfeld gets here.  They’ll call his sister to let her know what happened,” Keith said.

Eugene barely registered what Keith had said.  His brain was going a mile a minute right now, making his ears buzz and his head ache.

Once he felt he was calm enough to listen to the details, he spoke up.

“How bad was it?” Eugene asked, but his question was met with silence.  He looked up and saw his two friends exchange a look.  “Just tell me how bad it was, guys.  I can take it.”

Keith sighed and fixed Eugene with a solemn gaze.  “I’m not going to lie, Eugene, and there’s no way to sugarcoat things either, so I have to ask you: are you sure you want to know?”

Eugene returned Keith’s stare with an intensity that contradicted the roiling of his stomach.  He repeated his statement from earlier.  “I can take it.”

Keith nodded and started to explain what the doctor had told him and Ned before Zach was taken to the OR.

“Zach has a concussion because of the impact.  When the airbags went off after he got hit, it kind of caused his head to hit something inside the car pretty badly, which was what caused it.  They suspect that there might also be some swelling inside his brain, but they weren’t sure yet when we talked to the ER doctor.  He has two broken ribs and one of them punctured one of his lungs, which is why he’s in surgery right now.  He has wounds, bruises, and scratches on his face because of the broken glass.  He also has a broken arm, fortunately it was a clean break and would only entail a cast, but not surgery, especially considering his condition.  Their only concern is that he hasn’t been taking his medication the last couple of days, and he missed taking his shot last Sunday, which may or may not lead to complications.  They can’t administer his shot before or right after the surgery because it might lead to further problems if they do,” Keith paused and grimaced.  “He’s lucky to be alive when we found him, especially considering this is the second car accident that he’s been in,” the tallest Try Guy added quietly.

Second accident.  Eugene almost forgot that this is already Zach’s second life-threatening accident.  The first one was when he was just a kid, and he barely got out of it alive, as evidenced by his neck scar.  The thought of Zach barely scraping out of this one sent another shiver of dread down Eugene’s spine.

Keith sounded so clinical as he said everything that it made Eugene’s heart break.  He knew Keith used that tone to spare Eugene from the taller man’s own emotions.  Eugene felt grateful, but it didn’t really make him feel any better.

“Why hasn’t he been taking his medication?” Eugene asked.  Zach took those pills and his shot like clockwork.  He had it on every calendar he owned to make sure he never forgot and was so diligent about it.  It baffled Eugene, until realization dawned on him.

Zach was punishing himself.  The thought made the lump in Eugene’s throat feel bigger.

Eugene shook his head, leaning his elbows on his thighs.  “How did this happen?  Why was he in his car?  He was already safely in the office when he called me,” Eugene asked, the calm and collected tone betraying the thumping of his heart against his ribcage.

Ned and Keith shared another look, and Ned sighed.  “He said he wasn’t feeling well and decided to go home, but he called Keith a few minutes after leaving the office, asking about the time of your flight.”  Ned paused, hesitation evident in his demeanor.  “W-we think he was on his way to see you at the airport,” Ned finished dejectedly.

That was the last straw for Eugene.

“This is all my fucking fault,” Eugene whispered tearfully, emotions now on full display, but he didn’t care.  The man he loves was probably fighting for his life, and there was nothing he could do about it.  He clenched his hands together and leaned his forehead against them, crying in earnest now.

He felt an am around his shoulders.  “Hey, dude, no, none of that.  This was not your fault.  If we’re going to blame anyone for the accident, it should be that moron who beat the red light,” Ned spat out bitterly.

Eugene slumped back against his chair, fresh tears spilling from his eyes.  All the fight had leeched out of his system now and he just wanted to curl up in his bed and cry.  After a couple of minutes of silence, he stood on shaky legs and grimaced.

“I-I think I’m going to go home for a bit.  I’ll be back in a bit, I just – I – bags, and, you know,” he said quietly, taking his luggage and backpack from where he had dropped them earlier.  He was so out of it earlier that he didn’t even realize that he had set them aside when he got to the waiting area.

“I’ll drive you.  Keith rode with Zach in the ambulance, so my car is our only means of transportation right now,” Ned offered, standing as well.

Ned turned towards Keith.  “Need me to pass by your house to get you a change of clothes?” Ned asked.

“I’m good.  Becky’s on her way here with a fresh shirt and jeans.  Just come back soon, yeah?” Keith replied.

Ned nodded his assent and fell in step with Eugene.

“I’ll drop you off at your apartment before stopping by the office.  We’ll give the staff the day off.”

Eugene just nodded in agreement, not really hearing what Ned was saying.  They walked to the parking lot and Ned’s car in silence.

Eugene felt like he was moving on auto-pilot, but the moment he got into Ned’s car, he crumbled into silent tears once again.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the accident. Eugene's POV.

Zach had come out of surgery three hours after Eugene and Ned left the hospital.  It was a long surgery, but the doctors said that he was able to pull through.  The head trauma that Zach had experienced was not bad enough to cause swelling, but the concussion still needed to be monitored.  Overall, according to the doctor, Zach was going to be okay.  They weren’t sure, though, when he will wake up because his brain needed some time to heal.  The news had Eugene and the other two Try Guys breathe collective sighs of relief.

As the rest of the guys waited for Zach to be wheeled into his room, Eugene looked at his friends.  Ned had his arms around Ariel whose eyes were now red and puffy from crying.  Becky was napping, her head on Keith's shoulder.  Both Ned and Keith had changed from their blood-stained clothes and were looking a lot cleaner and less stressed than earlier.  Though tired, it was obvious that none of the boys felt the pull of sleep.

 _I was supposed to have that with Zach.  He’s supposed to be in my arms right now, and not in surgery_ , Eugene thought.  _If I hadn’t been so selfish and self-obsessed, we wouldn’t be here.  We would all be at work right now, laughing and making videos.  Not here, in this fucking hospital, clinging to wisps of hope like a lifeline_.

The moment Zach’s surgeon appeared in the waiting area, Eugene jumped up and approached the woman, with the rest of the group following his lead.

“Zach’s in his room now.  I can allow you guys to see him even if it’s past visiting hours, but only one of you can stay with him here tonight, if you want.”

The men looked at each other, and before Eugene can open his mouth, Ned beat him to the punch.

“Eugene will stay with Zach,” Ned said.  Keith nodded his assent.

Ned turned to face Eugene.  “If you don’t have a change of clothes, we can grab some and bring them over,” Ned offered.

At that moment, Eugene couldn’t feel more grateful for having these two men as his best friends.

Eugene gave him a small smile.  “I’m good.  I’ll just go home to shower and change once you guys come back in the tomorrow.”

The doctor nodded at them and motioned for the group to follow her as she led them to where Zach’s room was located.  They entered the room gingerly and a frown crept up to Eugene’s lips at what he saw.

Staring at Zach as he lay supine on his hospital bed was difficult for Eugene.  Zach’s a very tiny guy and seeing him this… _broken_ crushed Eugene’s heart.  He looked frailer than he usually does, and the sight just tore at his psyche.  It was daunting for Eugene to see him so much more fragile than normal.

His eyes lingered on the scars and bruises that littered Zach’s face and body that he could see.  The one visible scar that Zach had under his chin, which was from his previous accident when he was younger, seemed irrelevant now.  All the fresh ones overshadowed any signs of the old.  It didn’t sit well with Eugene.  He wanted to hurl.  He wanted to run up to Zach and cradle the man’s body in his arms as he wept and pleaded for Zach to be okay.  Eugene could feel the tears starting to well up again and it took all his willpower to stop himself from sobbing.  He felt a warm hand on his shoulder which made him turn to see Keith looking at him with concern in his eyes.

“I’m fine,” Eugene whispered.  The crack in his voice belied how he was truly feeling.

The two couples stayed for a few more minutes, talking quietly to Zach even if they didn’t know if he could hear them, until they were ushered out of the room by the nurse who came in to check on Zach.  Eugene surmised it was more to comfort themselves than Zach.  He didn’t try to confirm his assumption with his friends.

The moment his friends, left, Eugene suddenly felt bereft.  He felt like he was drowning and couldn’t find a lifeline to hold onto to survive.  He walked slowly towards the side of Zach’s bed and touched the youngest Try Guy’s hand hesitantly.  He now understood why Ned and Keith felt the need to talk to the man, even if they’re not sure if the younger male could hear them.

“Zach…hey Zach.  Baby, can you hear me?”  Eugene paused, rethinking his words.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t call you that.  You were never mine to begin with, were you?” Eugene whispered.  He sighed deeply and sat at the edge of the bed, not letting go of Zach’s hand.

“Zach…Zach, I’m sorry.  I’m so, so, so, sorry.  I shouldn’t have left you like that last Saturday.  I should have talked to you when you called.  I should have let you decide on the pace of our relationship.  I should have been more patient.  I shouldn’t have only thought of myself!”  The tears were flowing now, and Eugene did not make any attempt to stop them.

“This was all my fault!” Eugene blurted out haltingly, his voice broken and torn by the force of his tears.  He was sobbing now and felt the first wave of hysteria closing in on him.

Eugene tried his best to calm himself down.  Once he felt like he could think straight, he forged on.

“I…I just want you to know that regardless if you want to be with me or not, I will never leave you ever again.  I will always be here for you.  I will always be your friend – best friend.  A-and…” he paused again and took a deep breath.

“I will always, always love you.  So please…please…please come back.  Come back to me.  I love you.  I have always loved you.  I don’t even know when I fell in love with you, but I did, and I don’t regret it one bit.  And I don’t care if you don’t want me or feel the same way, I just need you back.  We need you back.  So please…please…wake up, Zach…please wake up.”  Eugene finished off softly, drained and exhausted from the emotional one-sided dialogue.

Eugene didn’t realize that his hold on Zach’s hand had tightened as he spoke to him.  He let go of it slowly and slumped his shoulders.  He looked around and realized that the glare of the harsh hospital lights were hurting his eyes.

 _If Zach wakes up tonight, he won’t like how bright the lights are,_ Eugene thought.

“I’m going to turn some of the lights off now, Zach, okay?  I don’t want you hurting your eyes when you wake up,” he whispered to Zach’s unmoving body, making him look ethereal.  His gaze lingered a bit longer, just watching Zach’s still form for any sign that would convey that he heard Eugene.  He sighed when Zach remained motionless.

Eugene stood gingerly from the bed and turned the brighter lights off, which caused the remaining lights to cast a soft glow around Zach’s body.  He then walked over to the small couch at the side of the room by the windows and sat down.

“I’m just going to close my eyes for a bit, okay?  I’ll just be here if you need me,” he murmured, fatigue now claiming his entire being.  He leaned back and closed his eyes, not noticing how and when he dozed off.


End file.
